To Sleep
by JoBelle
Summary: How Julie came to have sleep overs with Ben. This is set just prior to the Finals ep in First Season Felicity.


Title: To Sleep  
Author: Jobelle/Jodie  
Email: serendipityxiv@hotmail.com  
Summary: How Julie came to have sleep overs with Ben. This is set just prior to the Finals ep in First Season Felicity.  
  
  
Julie Emrick sat in bed, her arms wrapped tightly around her torso she stared into the darkness beyond her windows. God it was quiet tonight. Too quiet. So quiet you could hear the floorboards creaking, the wind outside howling, even the ticking of the alarm clock next to her bed, every tock as loud as gunfire in her ears.   
  
She couldn't take this anymore! This stifling silence was going to smother her tenuous grip on her sanity.   
  
Getting out of bed, she quickly pulled on her coat over her sweats and some sneakers onto her sock clad feet. She was out the door ten seconds later, not sure where she was going but positive if she didn't leave that room her head would explode.  
  
  
Forty minutes later found her still wandering the streets of New York, head down, eyes on her feet. She was surprised to look up and find herself standing in front of his building. She went up the steps and rang the buzzer. Sean's sleepy voice came over the intercom and let her up.  
  
Ben met her in the hallway in boxers and a t-shirt, his hair still tousled from sleep, a concerned expression on his face.  
  
"Hey what's, what's going on?" he queried, wrapping an arm around her shaking shoulders and drawing her into the apartment. He snatched a blanket up off the couch, wrapping it around her still shivering form.  
  
"I couldn't sleep. I just couldn't. It was too quiet you know? It was too quiet to sleep. I could hear the boards creaking and the clock ticking and..." Julie trailed off as hot tears welled up in her eyes.  
  
"Hey...hey, it's okay. It's okay. Come on." He led her into his room and sat her down on the edge of the bed. "God, you're freezing. Do you want some hot chocolate or something? I'm gonna get you something hot to drink." He told her.  
  
"No!" She cried. "Don't leave me alone!" The panic in her voice stopped him dead and the worry he felt must have shown on his face because she immediately got a hold of herself. "I'm sorry, it's just...the thoughts in my head...they're so loud when I'm alone and..." Julie trailed off, looking down shyly and absently picking at some fuzz on his blankets.  
  
"Hey," he reached out and caught her chin. "It's alright." His voice calm and reassuring, his touch gentle and comforting, in that instant Julie believed him whole-heartedly. They sat like that for a little bit, Julie drawing strength from his, until she finally broke the stare a little uncomfortably.   
  
  
Ben rose from his crouch in front of her to tug at the sheets on his bed, straightening them as best he could. "Well, if you don't want the hot chocolate then you're at least going to get under the covers and try to get warm." He insisted, holding up one edge of the sheet for her to scoot under. Julie looked at him uncertainly but nevertheless shrugged out of her coat and toed off her sneakers, sliding into his bed whereupon he tucked her snugly in and sat down at the base of it, his back against the wall, feet dangling off the edge.  
  
  
Julie blushed and handed him one of the pillows next to her, which he accepted with a reassuring smile. Tucking the pillow behind his back, Ben reached over and turned on his radio to a soft-rock station before slumping down against the pillow. The two listened to the music in silence for a few minutes, each lost in their own thoughts before Julie broke it again.  
  
  
"Ben," she began, startling him. "I, I'm sorry." She said haltingly. "For interrupting your life, disrupting your sleep, taking over your bed, basically just for being the nutcase I am right now and dropping it all on you as well." The girl explained with a self-deprecating smile as she ducked her head against the pillow and shoved some stray strands of hair behind her ear.  
  
  
"Hey, listen, it's okay, I promise. I don't mind the disrupted sleep and you can take over my bed anytime you want to, I'm just glad you came to me rather than deal with it all on your own. It is a big deal Julie, even if you don't want to think so."   
  
  
Julie squirmed under his intense gaze before nodding her head almost imperceptibly against the pillow, a single tear coursing down her cheek. Ben sighed and scooted up the bed to lie behind her, wrapping an arm around her waist, pulling her back against him. "I'm sorry for pushing." He said softly into her ear and she nodded.  
  
"It's okay. I guess I figure if I deny how big of a deal it is enough to myself, then it won't be that big any more."  
  
"Do you want to talk about it?" Ben offered after a few minutes of silence had elapsed.  
  
Julie heaved a shuddering sigh before shaking her head no. "Not just yet." She told him, with a hand on the arm around her waist when he went to move away, silently pleading with him not to leave just yet. She felt safe there, in his arms, protected from her demons in a cocoon of acceptance and understanding, she felt she needed that now, knew now that this was where she had left her room to go to even though at the time she hadn't. And finally, finally, Julie fell into a deep slumber un-plagued by dreams or memories.  



End file.
